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SO, I don’t know what I did… I was trying to put on my comfortable, lightweight, extremely breathable footwear which are very sandal - like, but which I will not call sandals for fear of sounding a little lite in the — y’know what?   nevermind –  when something slipped and I hit the cord of the fan (which was on) in the bedroom, causing it to shift slightly right (my right, your left) and clockwise (for you, counter) and before I could really even register that this had happened, the thing (as in the fan, not the cord) starts sputtering like a . . . I don’t know – it was like the sound you’d hear if you were to take something pretty inflexible and shove it into the path of something rotating really really fast, but not really moving in any direction – so every rotation caused it to hit whatever you had shoved into it over and over, really really fast-like. It was that kind of sound.

The next thing I know, I’m reaching for the fan to figure out what’s causing it to make this sound, because I don’t see anything poking into the front of it, but I can hear this sound and it’s a pretty distinct sound, y’know, but then I stop for just a millisecond to confirm in my head that I’m not hearing something that SOUNDS like an object of some type shoved in the way of turning fan arms, but what is REALLY intense sparks of high voltage electricity spitting out from something I’m about to touch, and I do a quick visual, y’know, just to confirm that I don’t see anything that might be spitting out electricity (or anything else for that matter) and that’s when it happened: from out of nowhere, the fan attacked me; in fact, as if anticipating my worst fear… it started spitting at me.

My first thought was that the fan had come apart and all the little things flying toward me were fan casing shrapnel chunk pieces or something, which, I’ve watched enough tv to know, is usually quickly followed by the razor sharp spinning blades themselves. My second thought was that if that were about to happen, having more room between me and the source of these vicious flying death fan razors would be a lot better than if I were to continue my “approach vector”, so I backed off. But it was too late — the stuff started pelting my face.  Instantly I reached up to protect my face from the flying fan shrapnel and, at the exact same moment, jerked my head down to keep as much of my face as possible out of the fans line of fire (no, I haven’t actually had Navy SEAL training, but you’ll never convince the fan that I haven’t), and then I’m noticing that the blast radius created from the flying death fan shrapnel is actually quite wide for a little room fan (even if it is labeled “Turbo”) and in fact, I’m basically in the middle of a whirlwind of spinning flying fan shrapnel, but it doesn’t hurt! It’s like the fan sucks so bad that it’s missing with every shot, I think. Only then I realize it’s not missing – I’m just not FEELING anything.

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