randnix.com

…because where else can you find Herb flavored Trident, and Chocolate flavored Dentyne?

Actually, maybe you can find that anywhere — it’s just that in Dallas I never find myself at a place offering a bunch of it at the till. 

Speaking of tills, the room safe is a new model.  It’s about the standard size of a room safe and slightly smaller than the average till.   So, figure, maybe, 1 foot by 1 foot (although, admittedly, it is pretty deep.)   Nevertheless, after 14 mostly sleepless hours trying to get here, I found myself intrigued with the notion of exactly what audience they had in mind when they plastered the inside door with the warning sticker:   “WARNING – DANGER OF SUFFOCATION”

So, you ask.   What the hell did Rand Damn Nix DO in 2007?  It certainly wasn’t blogging, now was it?

No, it was not.

2007 definitely had some challenges, but I’d have to say, looking back on it, it’s got to have been the best Rand Year in recent history.

NOTABLES:

AA Miles:  77,000

Countries:   7

Passports:  2

Lines of Code:   Give me a break…

Broken Bones:   1 or 5, but all in the hand.

Number of Hotels kicked out of:  1

Number of Hotels that should have kicked me out:   2

Number of lunches that consisted of rice, beans and mystery meat:  7,234

Number of weeks spent out of the country:   Far more than in.

So that’s pretty much what’s kept me busy and not blogging.   I really do intend to do better this year, but last year, seriously, I wound up on the back foot trying to make good on a million dollar promise I made counting on some support I didn’t get.   The fact that I did make good on the promise despite being behind from the start and without the support I was counting on made me realize how important it is to not go around making promises.     

What I can tell you is that, and this is important, from the deserted backwaters of the Amazon, to trendy restaurants in England and all the way to the smoke filled Cafe’s in Paris…   and you may not believe me. . . . but I’ve got plenty of photos to prove it. . .

. . .  the buttcrack is back.   Seriously, if you’re not showing some crack, you just lost your relevance in the new world.  Once the only identifying characteristic of the average plumber –  today, however, in the 21′st century, we still don’t have our flying cars, granted… but we’ve got buttcrack.   Miles of it.

So, for 2007, we can sum it up with that:  The Crack is Back, Jack.  

When I get off the . . . . and I can’t believe I’m even about to write this. . . . the. . . .. the…. freaking LIFT. . . . I’m on the 4 th floor. My room is somewhere between 400 and 474 — but they don’t go one for one for some reason, so all you really need to know is I’m pretty much smack in the middle.

Once I’m off the . . . . LIFT. . . . in order to get to my room…. I first turn left, go through the fire door. Immediately turn right go through the fire door. Wind up in another room with another fire door and it’s labelled something like “disabled refuge” — which I have no idea what the hell that means because I’ve never seen anyone seeking refuge there and can’t imagine a disabled person making it through the freakin’ maze of fire doors in order to find it in the first place. Or what refuge they may be seeking.

Now, once you’ve walked out that door — it starts to get really weird. Because that’s where the stairs are to make your emergency exit.

I mean, what could I be emergency exiting from at this point?

Anyway, you’ll find another fire door past the emergency exit (PS — on the subject of fire doors — the whole building is brick.)

If you haven’t given up by now, you’ll need to turn right — there’s no other way to go. At the end of the hall, you’ll find, suprisingly, a fire door. Go through there, turn left. Make an immediate right — and the oasis presents itself in the form of door number something between 400 and 500 and in which, I live.

And therefore, must get to twice a day by doing the above.

There are, presumably, worse things though — so don’t take this as complaining.

Except that I’ll be here 3 weeks. But seriously — no need for a pity party here — let’s just all do our part to get through this.

thank you.